12 advisable things to not utter to a pregnant woman & 3 absolute Do’s to utter instead.

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If I was to compile all my months of being pregnant into years it would be 3 years and 3 months.  So yep, the last 6 years – I’ve been pregnant for more than half of them.  And I really love it!  I love the experience, and I love the joy of being pregnant…it could get addictive.  It’s pretty special.

And wowee, have I heard some comments and well meaning people say many things to me about my pregnancies.  Some of them pretty common, some of them leave me pondering how to even answer them.  So just for fun, here’s a list of some of the things I have been asked when they see my pregnant bod walk by.   For anyone wishing to comment on the next pregnant woman’s belly that you see…here’s a tip – flashback to this.

12. Was it planned?

Are you implying something about my planning skills here?  You know, if it wasn’t planned by us, then it was planned by God anyway, so yea, this baby was planned.  Planned surprise. Planned not surprise.  Either way, what makes you ask such a thing?

11.  You haven’t figured out how this keeps happening?

Well actually…

We have!  Which is WHY this keeps happening.  Mastered it actually!

10.  You must be just about ready to pop!

I’m four and half months pregnant, so no…not quite ready to pop.  I have to admit, this has been said to me sooo often this pregnancy, and I’ve secretly liked watching them squirm a little and regret their words.  It’s ok guys, maybe I just have a lot of bloating this time round…bahaha.

9.  WOW you have your hands full.

What?  Oh! You mean these hands? The ones I can’t see for the toddlers they’re holding? Yes, yes I do.  Thanks for pointing that out.  (says me carrying a toddler on top of my belly, holding another child’s hand while they try to pull away to run after a butterfly, while calling out to my other one to keep their shoes on and keep walking).  I love my tribe…I love that they keep my hands full.  Funnily enough, I have noticed that my hands are very full!

8.   You guys breed like rabbits!

I’m not entirely sure why having four children is cause for being compared to rabbits…but if you really wanna go there…

7.  You sure it’s not twins?

Yes, I’m sure.  You do realize that a baby takes up room don’t you?  When you think about the size of a baby and then compare it to the size of my belly – it might make sense as to why my belly looks this big.  There is, after all, a mini human inside me, a whole new organ, and a bunch of fluid…it’s got to fit somewhere, that’s what you’re looking at yea?

6.  Are you big enough to have a baby?

Uh…???? Which part of me?  My uterus?  It stretches…that’s what it was MADE to do. My body itself?  My actual birth canal?  Please explain…

Bodies stretch, they’re tough, they’re elastic, they’re amazing.  Yes, I’m big enough.

5.  You shouldn’t be doing that.  

Here’s the thing.  I appreciate the concern, but pregnancy is not a disability…nor does it stop you from doing normal things unless you are otherwise medically advised.  It does not warrant having to go on a strict, ‘I can’t do anything’ diet either.  I really love this little cub growing inside me and I’m not going to do anything silly to hinder it’s growth or well being.  Despite pregnancy hormones ripping through my body and my brain, I am still capable of making my own decisions of what I can and shouldn’t do without it bringing harm to my baby or me.  Perhaps if you are genuinely concerned, could you try,  “Would you like some help with that?” Cheers, and thank you.

4.   How old are you?  

Oh take a guess!  You know, sometimes I look in the mirror and think I’m not old enough for this either, but you’d be surprised.  I feel like if I keep doing this, I’ll start to look my age and some.

3.  You wouldn’t want to get any bigger!

Really??  I most likely will get bigger and that’s a good thing.  It means our baby is growing, and that is what we want it to do.  Thanks for the feedback though!

2.  Geez, you must love it.

Um…

??????

The beginning part? the end part?  the part proceeding the end part where you have a new child? the actual pregnancy part?  I do love it.  I love it all.  The beginning right through to the end of pregnancy and beyond.  I mean, it all has its ups and downs really.  Please let me know if you would like more information about how much I love each step.

1.  Have you done something to your belly button?

I’m sorry, it sounded like you just said, “Have you done something to your belly button,” Could you please repeat?  What could I possibly do to my belly button when it’s stretched like a condom over a freaking wine barrel.  If there is something you can actually do with your belly button other than pierce it, make weird old man’s mouths and talk with it, or just marvel at how much it looks like E.T please let me know because it sounds really interesting.  My previous children who I made inside me have done something with my belly button and this one is adding it’s own to it.

And when I say ‘done something with it’  I mean, turned it inside out.  Looks great doesn’t it!

Now please…

May I inform you of three essential things to say to a pregnant woman in the case of you finding you would like to say something about her pregnancy.

1.  You are absolutely GLOWING!!

2.  Refer to number one.

3.  Refer to number two.

Xx

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