There have been many times I have pitifully sulked about how unromantic and unemotional my Husby is. Sometimes we joke with each other about how he would cry over that…if he had tear ducts. Or, about how he doesn’t do romance too romantically, if you know what I mean. He is far from self centered, but somewhat lost in the doting department.
There was this one time we were out and I was having a great time with morning sickness. We’d been out for a few hours when I went up to him feeling really sick and faint, and asked if we could go home. I don’t know that it really sunk in because he instantly responded, “Sure, you take the kids, and I’ll get a lift with someone.” I think he started to understand when I gave him the, ‘Are you actually serious?’ stare, and quickly changed his response to, “Can I go get a coffee first?” Sure lover, I’ll just go faint in the corner…enjoy your coffee, drink it fast, so maybe I can heave in the empty cup on the way home.
It’s ok, he was sorry, we laughed a lot about it after. Some men’s skeletons are made with roses and soppy poems engraved into every one of their bones…some I think, only have that in one bone.
And it’s ok!
Because romance Is only sometimes your bedroom floor flickering with candlelight and rose petals. It’s only sometimes strawberries and champagne in a love heart shaped hot air ballon floating over the meadows at sunrise. It’s only sometimes surprise dinner on the 1000th floor of the tallest building in the history of ever, while you watch fireworks burst out the window below. Romance is only sometimes in the things, sometimes in the explosions of Wow, and always in the heart of your one and only – whatever that expression looks like for them.
We had the most unromantic, romantic week the other week. So much so, it opened my eyes (only after 8 years, haha!) to the fact, that sometimes romance dances under the surface of the most unromantic situations, and the way your dashing husband or wife bestows that upon you, may just not be how you envision romance. So take a step back, and look deeper, because chances are, your lover has probably been romancing you a lot, maybe you just haven’t noticed.
I never thought in the face of pain and the unkown, that sweet romance could surface, but it did! And it turned a horrible few days into some very romantic ones. How is this possible you may ask??! Oh, the sweet mystery of love.
I was curled up on a chair in hospital late one afternoon a couple of weeks ago with an ache in my belly, waiting to be summoned in for an emergency ultrasound my doctor had organised. He suspected, some kind of concealed placental abruption. I was totally oblivious to what that actually means…apart from the mild google search I had done early that sent me into a slight panic, so I had shut it down and told myself that google stories are bad, and surely this can’t be that bad.
By the time I got called in, it was past 5 in the afternoon and since my husby was at work, I figured he’d go straight home when he finished and I would meet him back there when I was done. The ultrasound lady didn’t say a lot, but she was taking a lot of photos of my sore spot. It had been a while, when suddenly my man came into the little dark room, sat down next to me and softly grabbed my hand. He then helped my sore and sorry self off the bed when it was all over, and sweetly helped me hobble back to the waiting room. I had plans! I was going to go to the shops on the way home to buy him all his favourite things to cook for him the next day for his birthday. I was going home to see our wilds and kiss them all over their little faces because I hadn’t seen them all day. I was going home to light a candle for my Dad who had died 7 years ago that day, and I never missed lighting his candle dammit! I was going to sit by our warm fire, having dinner with my love watching the stupid state of origin.
And then the midwife came in, sat down next to us and said what I wasn’t even expecting…”You’re placenta has started to lift and there is a bleed…we’re admitting you, are you ok with this?” To which I replied, “No I’m not,” haha, I was only telling Nic a few minutes earlier how much I was looking forward to going home…it had been long ass day.
So Wonderhubby pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing a list of food to buy for me because he didn’t want me to be hungry, and after much procrastinating because he didn’t want to leave, left to go buy stuff. Only, not long after, my doctor came in to talk to me. He explained everything again – a little more in depth – and concluded, “You need to decide if you want to keep your baby, because there are chances you could deliver, or may need to if this doesn’t heal.” I was only three days away from being 24 weeks – what they consider a baby as ‘viable’ for delivery, but with very high chances of severe disability. From 23 weeks, they will offer your baby everything medically possible to help survival but do not recommend it. Infact, they don’t recommend it until 27 weeks gestation which for me, felt like forever away. My doctor went to leave, but as I would have to go to Sydney if we were going to try and keep our baby alive, he needed an answer within 10 minutes so he could organise a plane and a bed.
I called Nic, who had an armful of food at the shops, which he abandoned and raced back up to the hospital and we looked at each other, making what felt like the worst decision ever. Keep your beautifully healthy baby, who you feel kicking around inside you every single day, who, if born now, may never be able to walk or talk or speak or eat ever. That, or let them go….
Like if the worst happened that they were preparing for, the decision we made in the next 10 minutes determined everything.
But everything within the both of us said Sydney and the choice was made.
So I was jabbed with my Anti D needle, bloods taken and set up with a huge cannula in my arm, while they arranged a bed in a Sydney hospital. It wasn’t long before the doctors decided it was safest to keep me put overnight as there was no bed in Sydney and they didn’t want me stuck between two hospitals in case I bled out. Glamorous huh.
So they prepped however many litres of blood they needed for me incase the worst happened overnight, and let me get comfortable for the night. And Wonderhubby was right there, getting me extra blankets, passing me everything I couldn’t reach, sleeping in a chair the whole night by my side incase something happened.
He waited with me till we had some more answers the next day, and went to smash out some work while I waited for a plane to come and pick me up. It was coming at 7:30 that night, and Nic was still at work finishing up with some customers when I let him know about an hour before. I told him don’t worry about coming to say bye, just go home and have some rest. I was in the ambulance at the airport waiting for the plane to land, trying to cure myself of clostraphobia within the next 5 minutes instead of freaking out, when the side door opened and Nic appeared inside, walking straight to be by my side. He’d hurried up to the hospital when he finished work, ran up the corridors to see me before I left, got told I’d just gone, and raced out to the airport to catch me before I flew away. Naaaawww.
He romanced my heart so much in all those little moments over the last two days. And it was the most unromantic setting, the most unromantic scenes playing out, but the most romantic and sweet actions from my husband.
And I saw his romance in the rush, I saw it in the kisses on my forehead while I was strapped to a bed in the back of an ambulance, it was in the tears that came when he prayed his baby and his wife would be ok, it was in the sparkle in his eyes when he kissed me while I was wrapped in a hospital blanket with a giant cannula hanging out of my arm, I saw it in him standing at the door of the plane, blowing me kisses and mouthing, ‘I love you’, until the door shut. It was in him opening the door for me every time I got in and out of the car after he picked me up from hospital in Sydney, and it was in his apologising for every bump he drove over because he didn’t want to hurt me. It was in every little thing that I often overlook and everything I used to just expect of him but never saw the romance in.
It was no fancy dinner under the stars with violin players and fire dancers. But every one of his actions made me feel so loved, so wrapped up in his fire, so treasured to him, so glamorous in the most unglamorous of places…(c’mon, the ward I was in, they called the leakers and bleeders…there ain’t nothing turn me on about that). But he was there to laugh with me about it and hold me close…because that’s what you do. (Insert bleeding love jokes here)
Now I think of it, he actually is romantic. The way he kisses my forehead every night before he goes to sleep, even when we’re mad at each other. The way he says I love you and does a kiss at the end of every phone call, even if the call is just to say, don’t forget the toilet paper. The way he calls me lover 99% of the time, greets me with a big smile, hug, and probably some sort of grab whenever he sees me, or how he takes every opportunity we stay somewhere with a bathtub to fill it up for me and insist I relax for a while. It’s the lots of little every day things that I often take for granted.
You might sit there thinking, well, anyone would be by there wife while she’s in hospital. You’re right, and I’m glad he was there with me. But I’m also glad my eyes were opened to see the beautiful glimpses of how soft his heart is, when so often I miss it. I’ve found that looking beyond my own idea of what romance is, and see the unique way my husband expresses that to me, that I really appreciate his love for me. It’s not how I want it to be all the time, and let’s be honest, that is important too (and a whole other story), but it’s just simply seeing your one and only how they are, and how they do things, and loving that. You have to work on the excitement and mystery in love…always…but there is no place too unromantic that it can’t be done.
Get creative lovers!
Oh, and if you were wondering! My placenta healed up super quick, our little baby is doing great, and every week is getting us closer to D Day!