When choosing to take a leap and start our very own small business last year we braced ourselves to ‘do it tough’ for a couple of years. I’ve been so challenged by this for a couple of months now when I so often find myself wishing we had resources to do the things we want – heck – to even just do the simple things. Which I guess is only natural but it’s so minimizing and takes so much away of what we actually do hold in our hands and how blessed we really are.
Ok, so this is all probably going to be one of those soppy, stop complaining, cliche kinda blogs but it’s real!
I remember Nic’s and my very first year of married life…it wasn’t exactly the magical fairy tale, care free wedded bliss of dancing our way through the year, sipping on champagne and enjoying every day feeding each other strawberries and chocolate. It was really hard and really rough. Both of us were on low apprenticeship wages and with me having to leave my job only a few months into our marriage for health issues we were left living on Nic’s wage which was mostly chewed up by weekly rent. I remember the constant frustration of not being able to score another job to tie us over and the guilt of feeling like a massive burden. I remember looking at our budget and wondering how on earth we were going to get by each week being about $300 in the minus. I remember ever second Tuesday night Nic would go and donate plasma and would eat as much food as they would give him so he could call it dinner and we could make our food last. I remember waiting till our car was lunging around corners before we would go and get fuel and then driving away from the fuel shop with the fuel light still on. I remember the frustration, the tears and the feeling of wanting to feel sorry for ourselves. But do you know what I remember the best? The provision. I remember countless times people would borrow our car and bring it back full of fuel, I remember the ones who countless times bought us groceries for the week, I remember waking up one morning to find $500 sitting on our windscreen, I remember cooking a measly dinner one night and watching it multiply before my eyes. We paid all our bills, ate meals three times a day and learned to trust God in a situation we had no control over. And we made it!
I have to admit, when we jumped out to start this business we are running now I had terrible flash backs, but I had the strongest confidence in knowing that God would provide our every single need. I said to Nic 4 or 5 days ago that we really desperately need to go grocery shopping because we hardly have any food left. Well, we still haven’t been shopping and I don’t quite know where all the food is coming from but we still haven’t gone shopping and we haven’t gone without!
This whole situation is really teaching me to see and to realize what is really important in life and what really matters. I hear so much complaining (me being one of them) of not being able to do something or have something, or even looking at others, wishing we could have more like them. Is more really better? I’m learning right now to appreciate and value – really value – the basics, and it’s actually enough. I look around where we are and feel so blessed, I see our two children so happy and full of joy and life who actually don’t give a rip that they aren’t wearing the latest kid’s fashion or that their shoes came from vinnies. I look at our decore and realize it really doesn’t matter that it doesn’t match and isn’t rustic, vintage or scandinavian – it’s clean and it’s comfy and it’s home. I stand back and I look at our lives and how richly blessed we are with beautiful people around us, wonderful family, our dream business, and our humble beginning. I’m really thankful for the small and humble beginning we are at. It’s made me cherish what is actually important, what really matters – and it’s not stuff, or things or more of something.
I’m not saying it’s wrong or bad to have what you want and move up the ladder of finances – that’s all very good and well. I know money is quite a major necessity in life, I just don’t want our lives to revolve around it. I know we’re on our way to experience more of that and that’s good, but I’m glad, I’m so glad we are here, I’m glad that when we’ve had trouble seeing it we actually do have what is really important in our lives. Mostly, I’m simply thankful that when we feel like maybe we don’t have enough – what we do have, when you really step back and take a look, is more than enough.